My dog is hurting my image

I was driving the streets of LA "feeling it".
I was on the hunt for my new home. Rentals are many in my price range but I have developed a standard for how my house should smell when I live in it. Therefor I have to sift through the wreckage of a thousand real estate deals gone awry due to overzealous agents, overspending wives, or under committed husbands.

In the process I have seen the term "single family home". This term must seem boastful to Cambodian people. In Cambodia a two bedroom apartment must be billed as a "17 family home. You can fit twenty but I'm going to need an additional deposit."

At any rate we have a dog so I've noticed something else. "Pet OK under 20 lbs". These prospective landlords all seem very concerned with how much my dog weighs. As if my dog's fitness somehow has an impact on my ability to pay the rent. "No man who allows his dog to care so little about it's body could possibly be successful enough in any field to handle his responsibilities in a timely manner."

So armed with this new knowledge of my dog's overall lack of interest in his appearance and well being effecting how the word views my commitment to adulthood. I sat down with my dog and had a little talk with. I said "Romeo. It has come to my attention that you're overweight and unhealthy according to people who haven't met you. These people have informed me that this is a reflection of how I handle my finances. Needless to say something has to change because now, it's not just about you anymore. Your preference for treats, lack of interest in tennis balls, and absence of exercise initiative is hurting my public image. I'm willing to help you but you have to want to help yourself." He stared at me and touched me with his paw. I can only assume that he was telling me he was ready to give up the beef bones and make a change.

We went out that day and began a strict training regiment. He lifts little weights, runs the entire time he's awake, and eats one chicken smoothie every day followed by 2 slurps of water. I am proud to say that he is down to 26 lbs and that's pretty good for a full grown, rather tall Australian Shepherd. He would also be happy but he's resting.

I haven't told him yet but as I get closer to the move in date he's going to have to cut weight pretty hard. He needs to lose at least another 4 lbs. I'll put him in the sauna for a couple of hours and that should get him close. If I shave him right before we meet the landlord, that should get him down to 21 lbs or so. I can cheat an extra pound if I insist on using my own scale for religious purposes.

Onward and upward folks. Here's to healthy animals and living in the big city!